oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
