I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
