i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
