i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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