I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
