today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
