Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
organizing the empties. That sober.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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