addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
