I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
