Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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