Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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