I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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