Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
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