I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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