I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
