Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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