You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
