another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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