just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
