Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
