having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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