Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
