Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
