dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
bring money and cleavage
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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