Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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