we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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