we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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