marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
