that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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