Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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