If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
