Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize