Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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