In the future we'll all be gay
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This baby is an asshole
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize