So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize