hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
