Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
