I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
