I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
