Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
