sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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