So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
