we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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