i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
