I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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