I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
