once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
