All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
