Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
