Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
