wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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