I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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