i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I smell like Dick and happiness
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
