I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
