a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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