Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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