good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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