I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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