Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
