After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I had to cum in my sink.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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