So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
