life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize