I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
