woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
