I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Too much gin, very little bucket
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
cat food counts as protein by the way
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
tell me about the fingering
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize