Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
