He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
