I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
