JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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