Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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